Rocky and Bullwinkle

March 18, 2020

 

We need Rocky and Bullwinkle . . .

Why do we need them? Because in the White House we now have Fearless Leader (Donald Trump) and his minions, Boris Badenov (Rudi Giuliani) and Natasha Fatale (Kellyanne Conway). The only one Fearless Leader answers to is Mr. Big (Vladimir Putin). The more I look at things, the more I feel like I’m in an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

In 2017, Fearless Leader was shown to be out of touch with the people of Pottsyvania. When told that regular citizens were suffering from food shortages, Fearless Leader’s response was “They should order out like I do”. Even more telling is when Fearless Leader was challenged in an election by Bullwinkle, he proposed to “Make Pottsylvania Great” until it was pointed out that Pottsylvania was never great and the slogan was changed to “Make Pottsylvania Pretty Good”.

Don’t buy Trump as Fearless Leader? Let’s just take Coronavirus for an example. Here are actual statements made by our Fearless Leader:

On February 26 Trump told us that the number of people affected by the virus was “going very substantially down, not up”.

When told that the mortality rate had risen to 3.4% Trump stated that “the 3.4% is really a false number” citing as a basis for his statement that “this is just my hunch”.

Trump has also said that “anybody that needs a test gets a test” even when we had no test available.

“By April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away”.

“We’re going down, not up. We’re going very substantially down, not up.”“We’re going down, not up. We’re going very substantially down, not up.”

“I’m not concerned at all.”

“They would like to have the people come off (the Grand Princess cruise ship). I would like to have the people stay . . . because I like the numbers where they are.

I don’t know about you, but I can actually picture Fearless Leader making these statements under the direction of Mr. Big. After he makes his pronouncements, he sends Boris and Natasha out to do his bidding. To save us all from the evil plans of Fearless Leader, we have Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose. In the end they always prevail.

Here’s what’s bothering me. We have neither a Rocky nor a Bullwinkle to come and save us. I don’t think that either Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders are capable of stopping Fearless Leader. With his powers being less and less constrained, Fearless Leader is boldly going where no president has gone before. He is the perfect example of what happens when you repeat a lie often enough: people start to believe it.

For the most part, I don’t believe Fearless Leader. We have no idea how many people may already be infected by the Coronavirus. Every day the numbers keep exploding. We know how its spread and we know how to stop it. STAY THE F%$K HOME! Its a simple message and even the slowest among us should be able to understand it. Stay away from people, period. If everyone sheltered in place we could flatten this curve in two weeks. Not a big sacrifice.

I’m doing my part. I have a case of vodka, tequila for margaritas, some special bourbons so I’m all set there. My pantry looks like a Costco. I have enough food for several years. This morning I went out and bought a stack of books to read in case Netflix closes down. I have disinfectant wipes and soaps.  Freezer is stocked. Refrigerator can’t hold another beer. Even the wine cooler is full, although I don’t drink wine. That’s a last resort in case the vodka and tequila run out. I have cans of tomato soup and Saltine crackers (what better lunch, along with a tuna sandwich). I could stay here for months.

Anyway, here’s what I’ve decided. If we can’t find a Rocky or a Bullwinkle to stop Fearless Leader and his minions, I’m going to call on Mr. Peabody and Sherman. They can fire up the Way Back Machine and go back in time and fix this whole thing. Who’s with me?

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