It was suggested to me that I try writing a movie review. Okay, I thought, I can do that. All I have to do is go see a movie and then write a short blog about the movie. Easy, right?
I then realized that I don't go to movies. I realized I've never been a movie guy, and I started to think about why that is. I did a search for current movies playing in my area, and here's what I came up with.
Justice League: I checked out the trailer because I loved the old Justice League of America comic books. This isn't my Justice League. I wondered why they dropped the “of America,” for instance. They've even changed the characters so they're barely recognizable to us old comic book guys. Nope, don't like change, so this movie's out.
Coco: A cartoon in which young Miguel travels to the Land of the Dead to become a great musician. I shouldn't have to explain why I'm not going to see this one.
Thor: Ragnarok: See “Justice League” above. This new and improved Thor is just wrong. And what's he doing on the other side of the universe?
Wonder: A kid with a deformed face goes to high school. I can probably predict this entire movie without ever having seen it. No need to go.
Daddy's Home 2: I don't like Will Ferrell, I hate Christmas, and I didn't see Daddy's Home 1, so I can cross this one off.
Murder on the Orient Express: I didn't like the first one, and from what I can see, this is the same one with different people. Besides, I already know how it ends.
The Star: A donkey escapes the drudgery of his life at home and goes on a great donkey adventure. Seriously?
A Bad Moms Christmas: Remember how I hate Christmas? I'm not going to see a movie about a holiday I don't like, and it doesn't matter how bad the moms are.
So there's my list of current movies available for my long-anticipated movie review. To make it easy, I thought I'd just tell you how I judge movies, and I believe it's the most accurate barometer of the quality of the movie. Here's my rating system from my lowest rating to my highest:
Secretly Checked My Phone
Checked Out the People in the Theater
Didn't Fall Asleep
Watched the Whole Movie
Remembered the Ending.
There you have it in a nutshell. The official Cliff's Corner Movie Rating System. To keep it short, the movies are rated: FA, SCMP, CHTPITT, DFA, WTWM, and RTE.
I wonder if Rocky is on Netflix.