The Army

November 30, 2017


“WASHINGTON – People with a history of ‘self-mutilation,’ bipolar disorder, depression and drug and alcohol abuse can now seek waivers to join the Army under an unannounced policy enacted in August, according to documents obtained by USA TODAY.”

I wish I were making this up, but even I can’t dream up stuff this crazy.

So let me see if I have this right: The Army is having trouble attracting new recruits, so they’ve now decided to allow people to join the Army who weren’t previously considered qualified, because damn it, we need bodies. I guess what they want to do is let drug and alcohol abusers in so we can teach them how to use guns and explosives. What could possibly go wrong with allowing someone with bipolar disorder to play with firearms? At least people who cut themselves probably aren’t much at risk for cutting other people, because where’s the fun in that?

The Army believes that everyone who joins the Army should be able to shoot and kill people, even though most of them will never see anything close to combat. For 2018 they figure they need to recruit about 80,000 people. Only about 20 percent of the Army actually does the fighting. That’s about 16,000 people. The other 64,000 are in support roles.

So here’s what I don’t get: If we need guys to paint buildings and do maintenance, why do we need to give them guns and grenades? Why don’t we just bring them in, teach them how to march and issue them paint brushes, potato peelers and some really nice uniforms, and just let the fighting guys learn about guns?
I think it’s okay for you to peel the potatoes if you have a previous history of mental problems, but we shouldn’t let you play with guns.

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