Getting Older


How to tell when you’re getting older: /react-text react-text: 11981 You start getting out of bed at the same time you used to come home. /react-text react-text: 11984 You start looking at the mother instead of the daughter. /react-text react-text: 11987 Your insurance covers the drugs you used to buy in college. /react-text react-text: 11990 You start to ache in places you didn’t know were places. /react-text react-text: 11993 You still want to chase women, but only when they’re going downhill. /react-text react-text: 11996 You realize there’s been no good music since the early 1970s. /react-text react-text: 11999 You start to hear words that you know aren’t really words, like positivity. /react-text react-text: 12002 Someone or something sneaks into your closet at night to shrink your clothes just a little bit every week. /react-text react-text: 12005 There’s nothing on iTunes that you want to buy. /react-text react-text: 12008 A woman in a bar smiles and winks at you, and all you can do is laugh. /react-text react-text: 12011 A hot tub becomes a medical requirement. /react-text react-text: 12014 You keep looking at people and saying “What?” /react-text react-text: 12017 The Early Bird Special actually starts to sound like a good idea. /react-text react-text: 12020 Even Dunkin Donuts will give you a discount. /react-text react-text: 12023 You’re not procrastinating; you really don’t have the energy. /react-text react-text: 12026 When you drop something, you have a debate with yourself about whether you really need to pick it up. /react-text react-text: 12029 You have to take more pills than you have fingers on one hand. /react-text react-text: 12032 Your clothes are hopelessly out of style and you really don’t give a damn. /react-text react-text: 12035 You’re staring at a beautiful woman in the grocery store not because she’s beautiful, but because she just snagged the last two almost-ripe avocados. /react-text react-text: 12038 Your grandson tells you he’s learning about the Vietnam War in history class. /react-text react-text: 12041 You’re more concerned about nose and ear hair than what’s on your head. /react-text react-text: 12044 Medicare and Social Security finally start to sound like good ideas. /react-text react-text: 12047 Your appointment book is filled with doctors. /react-text react-text: 12050 You have someone else mow your lawn and clean your pool /react-text react-text: 12053 The last late-night television you watched was Johnny Carson. /react-text react-text: 12056 You start to really look forward to five o’clock. /react-text react-text: 12059 You still order the fried seafood platter, but you split it with your partner. /react-text react-text: 12062 You can navigate from your bed to the bathroom in complete darkness. /react-text react-text: 12065 You hear about all the side effects of the drugs they advertise on television and decide it’s better to just die. /react-text react-text: 12068 Your Facebook feed is filled with ads for AARP. /react-text react-text: 12071 You remember when the hashtag used to simply be the number sign. /react-text react-text: 12074 You use online banking, but still have checks—just in case. /react-text react-text: 12077 You hold a door open for a woman and she glares at you like you’re doing something horrible. /react-text react-text: 12080 You look at your grandchildren’s homework and know you couldn’t do it. /react-text react-text: 12083 You finally don’t have to try to impress anyone anymore. /react-text react-text: 12086 You keep putting the same portions on your plate even though you know you don’t have a prayer of eating it all. /react-text react-text: 12089 You’re not losing your hair … you’re gaining forehead! /react-text react-text: 12092 Walking becomes a high-intensity workout. /react-text react-text: 12095 You take pills to counteract the side effects of your other pills. /react-text react-text: 12098 Three to four hours of uninterrupted sleep is money in the bank. /react-text react-text: 12101 You decide that you really can get by on a lot less money than you used to think you needed. /react-text react-text: 12104 A threesome is an appetizer, entrée, and dessert. /react-text


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