Random Thoughts

January 22, 2017

 

I've been thinking about these for some time now. Most of these are my thoughts, but some are just questions that I continue to wonder about.

 

Before Dunkin Donuts had munchkins, did they just throw the holes away?

 

How come phonics isn't spelled the way it sounds? (fawnicks)

 

When I grew up, eggs were the perfect food. In the 1970s we were told not to eat them because they would clog your arteries and kill you. Now they're the perfect food again. I'm waiting for someone to figure out that chocolate cake isn't fattening.

 

I just found out that buttering someone up has nothing to do with sex.

 

Why do we go the “whole nine yards” when you need ten yards for a first down?

 

Why is a pizza box square?

 

When my remote doesn't work, why do I try pressing the keys harder?

 

Another thought on the remote: when the batteries run down, why do I open the door and try to spin them instead of just replacing them?

 

When I was in school, you could get a grade of A, B, C, D, or F. How come no E for excellent!

 

Why is a “W” called a double “U” when it's really two “V’s”?

 

The first man to eat a lobster must have been a very brave man. Same thing with raw oysters.

 

Why do Rhode Islanders call a milkshake a “cabinet”? What's the matter with them?

 

When we meet a deaf person, why do we talk louder? They're deaf! Same thing with foreigners when we can't understand what they're saying.

 

Why do women have a dress size of “0”? Really? Zero?

 

If everyone uses a No. 2 pencil, why aren't they number 1?

 

How is it that my grandson, who can't tie his own shoes, can make my computer do stuff I didn't even know it could do?

 

If I turn on my cell phone, is the plane really going to crash? Really?

 

Why don't men go to the men's room in groups like women?

 

Why does a CPA do an audit to check the books and then issue a statement that he's not responsible for the accuracy of his report? And they get away with it.

 

If you're playing 9-ball, you actually want to be behind the 8-ball.

 

Why would you order a cheeseburger with fries and a diet Coke?

 

Why do hot dogs come in packages of ten but hot dog rolls only have eight?

 

Have you ever noticed the braille lettering next to the call button at the drive-up window? What's up with that?

 

Why do experienced doctors and lawyers still “practice”?

 

Why is the slowest traffic called rush hour?

 

How is it that when I look in the refrigerator for ketchup, there isn't any, but when Louise opens the door, the ketchup magically reappears just to spite me?

 

Why is it that, no matter how bad your day was, clean sheets make everything better?

 

How come men's underwear has the little door in the front? Do any men really use it?

 

There are times when I can look Louise right in the eye and see her lips move, and I still can't hear a thing she's saying.

 

Why does my brain wait until I'm trying to go to sleep before it decides to review my entire life from conception to this afternoon?

 

I know a lot of vegetarians and vegans—can they eat animal crackers?

 

If sign-makers go on strike, what do they write on their signs?

 

Can you walk down a road if it's going uphill?

 

Go ahead, draw me a blank.

 

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

 

Can you die in the living room?

 

I think I need to get a real job.

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