Truck

I didn't always drive a truck. I used to drive sensible cars. I think it was in the mid 1990s when my ex-wife convinced me to buy a truck. Why? “Because I look good in a truck,” she said. And she did.

In any event, I bought my first truck, a Toyota Tundra. Man, I loved that truck. I could sit up high and see everything. I also didn't worry about getting into an argument with a Honda—in a situation like that, bigger really is better. It also came in very handy for hauling stuff. Going to the dump every Sunday was much easier with a truck. Grabbing stuff for the house and yard was also easier, and I began to wonder what I ever did without a truck.

There was also a hidden advantage to having a truck: Sooner or later, everyone needs to use one. Once in a while, a friend would call to ask if he could borrow my truck. Typically, this was after his wife had presented him with a list of things he needed to get done around the house. I would lend him my truck and tell him to just leave his car for me to drive in the meantime.

Here's the great thing about many of my friends. They drive really cool cars. I mean cool. I realized this when my friend Mike called to borrow my truck. He needed it for the weekend, so I made arrangements to switch with him on Friday and then swap back on Sunday. I had forgotten that Mike drove a Porsche 911 Targa convertible. Let me tell you that I was the coolest thing on wheels that weekend. Over the years, my friends have given me lots of fun cars to use. A 1969 Pontiac Firebird convertible, a Mercedes 600, a Corvette, and lots of BMWs and Audis; one friend even left me his Ferrari. Now that's a friend! If you're going to swap out your truck, make sure you have friends like mine; it's so much more fun.

I owned a series of Toyota Tundras. One year, I decided to switch things up and bought a Ford F-150. Not good. I didn't really like the Ford. It wasn't as comfortable or as powerful, and just seemed like less of a truck, and so back to Toyota I went.

I had my next Toyota for three days before I blew a rod in the engine. After towing it back to the dealer, they let me use a Toyota Tacoma while my Tundra was being repaired. Apparently, they had to get a new engine from Japan, because it took them three months to fix that thing. You probably won't believe this, but it's the absolute truth—I had my Tundra back for exactly one week before it broke down. Yup, I blew another rod while driving on the highway. I have to say, Toyota treated me right: they didn't just give me something to drive in the meantime; they just gave me a new Tundra. Thank you, Toyota; I'm now a big fan.

A few years ago, the Lovely Louise and I were looking at trucks when she spotted a GMC Acadia. It's not a truck, it's not a station wagon, and it's not really an SUV. It's a sort of combination of all of them. Leather seats, power everything, and every option you can think of. I loved it. Well, I loved it for a little while. It's sort of like being infatuated with a girl. It's the most amazing feeling and you just can't get enough of her until, suddenly, the shine comes off her. It wasn't really love; it just felt like it. So it was with my Acadia. After almost a year, I started to hate that car. It pretended to be a truck, but it wasn't really a truck, and I wanted my truck back. I'm a lucky man, because Louise said that if I wasn't happy with it, I should just trade it in and get back into a truck. What a woman!

I am now happily ensconced in my 2014 Toyota Tundra, and I can once again look at the world from my 5.8 liter, four-wheel drive bad boy. This summer it will be time to move into something new again. I keep thinking about how much fun it would be to own a really fancy sports car. I can afford it, and I would feel awesome just sitting in it. I'll test drive a bunch of different cars and then most likely head back to the Toyota dealer and ask what they have for new Tundras.

Did I mention that I'm very much a creature of habit?