Global Warming

January 5, 2017

 

 

I don't know if global warming is happening or not. I can't even tell if it's going to rain in Cape Coral today or not, and neither can the weathermen. Oh sure, they can give me odds, but they're wrong just about as often as they're right. Can they really tell me what the weather is going to be like fifty years from now? They say they can, but I'd feel better about that if they can just tell me if it's going to rain next Tuesday afternoon.

 

I remember back in the 1970s when scientists warned us that the earth was cooling and they were predicting another ice age was just over the horizon. They told us that average temperatures had been declining since the 1940s. A big part of the cooling was increased air pollution, which decreased the amount of solar energy entering the atmosphere. Time to get out the L. L. Bean boots and ski parkas because it's getting cold!

 

I can see some of you starting to steam already. Don't come after me, I'm just pointing out that they didn't know much about climate change in the 1970s and they still don't know much about it. I'm also not saying we shouldn't do anything about it; we should. Anyone who doesn't think it's just plain dumb to ruin the environment shouldn't be allowed to vote, let alone breed. That's not my point.

 

What is my point? It's this: Scientists don't yet know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about climate change, and neither do you Mr. Smartypants cocktail-party goer, the holier-than-thou liberal snob who knows more about everything than everybody.

 

Well, glad I got that off of my chest.

 

Why can't people just admit that they don't really know about global warming yet? All the data I've seen certainly seems to point in that direction, and if these trends continue, we’ll need to be concerned. Just don't start going all crazy on me now. I don't know if the Empire State building is going to be under water a hundred years from now, and neither do you, so stop trying to scare me. Besides, I'll be dead before the water's even halfway up the building.

 

Scare tactics don't help anyone. They can and do help causes. The environmentalists are using global warming like a club, to beat us all over the head with the dire consequences we're facing unless we figure out how to put fewer plastic bags in the trash. The earth has about 60 volcanic eruptions every year, producing millions of tons of CO2, so I really don't think the earth is worried about my plastic bags. Maybe yours, but not mine.

 

Okay, professor, I know, I know. Humans produce more CO2 than all the volcanoes combined, and you're right. However, you need to talk to the Chinese. They're the ones still burning all that coal, not me.

 

We interrupt this blog for a message from the Emergency Pain Management System. This morning, I had a deep filling in one of my molars. The dentist told me it was very close to the root and he was using a medicated filling, but I might need a root canal. The Novocain is now starting to wear off, and my tooth is attempting to remove the top of my head without the benefit of anesthesia. I just made a quick call to the dentist, and he's writing a prescription for pain meds. I'm sure it will be for a morphine drip, unless he has something a little stronger. Anyway, I'm on my way to the pharmacy so that I can be, as Pink Floyd once said, Comfortably Numb.

 

I'll get back to you later to finish this, unless of course I'm dead.

 

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