Workmen

There are workmen everywhere. All at the same time, we are putting in new kitchen counters, sinks, appliances, bathroom counters and sinks, a household water filtration system, and a new skimmer for the pool. All of this requires a bunch of guys. I mean a bunch.

I am a very lucky man, however. I don't have to deal with any of them. I have the Lovely Louise, who has completely taken over the entire process. Ah, a woman who is in complete charge of everything. Isn't that what they want? Fine by me.

I get amused when any of the guys turn to me and ask where the granite is supposed to stop or how we want the filters installed. I look them straight in the eye and say, “I have no idea. You need to speak to Louise. I don't have an opinion.”

Louise is amazing. She's directing the measuring, the cutting, the installation, the picking out of everything, the design, and lord knows what else. She has a phone glued to her ear, contacting electricians, plumbers, measuring guys, and labor guys. She seems happy but a bit nervous at the same time. Is the granite pattern too busy? Do we want brass or brushed nickel for the faucets? The new sink in the bathroom won't match the toilet, so do I pick another sink or do we get another toilet? A million little decisions and I don't care about any of them. My job is to reassure her that she really does know what she's doing … and the fact is, she does.

My job is to sit back and enjoy all the chaos in my life right now. I don't have time to worry about the presidential election. I'm too busy watching everything. Stuff in my house is coming. Stuff in my house is going. Stuff in my house is changing, and the director is directing the entire production. I guess that's it. I'm the producer and Louise is the director of this traveling medicine show. I'm a very good producer because I know exactly how to stay out of the way and not get involved. I think that's why we're such a good team. She does the work and I approve. I know, my job's tough, but I've learned to make the best of it.

As I step over tools, step around construction, and avoid any appearance of actually being involved, I rest easy knowing that 5:00 will eventually come around and I can pour my first cocktail of the evening, survey my demesnes, and know that all is well in my kingdom because the queen has set the world to right.

All my life I've been a take-charge kind of guy. Master of the ship, with everything tightly controlled and organized exactly the way I wanted. It ain't that way anymore, pal. I have a woman who takes charge better than I ever did, is more organized and efficient, and generally makes better decisions than I would. Don't get me wrong; I'm still important. I'm just not sure how or why. That's okay, I'm sure Louise will explain why I'm still important if I really need to know.

So here's what I recommend to all of you guys out there. Find yourself a strong, bright, and competent woman and put her in charge of your life. Every bit of it. You can still have veto power, as I do, but your life will become infinitely easier if you don't try to fight it. Relax, there's a woman in charge.