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Where I Stand

I joy taking both sides to task. I have also been pilloried for reposting other people's opinions without declaring my own. I am neither republican nor democrat. I'm not conservative or liberal. I'm a real American – a mixture of a little bit of everything. Tell me the issue and I might be either liberal or conservative. To end the speculation once and for all, here is where I stand on the major issues.

Foreign Policy – If they like us, help them. If they don't like us, to hell with them.

Homeland Security – Sounds good. OK, I'm in favor of the concept.

Free Trade – I thought trade involved money, how can it be free?

Immigration – In favor unless I don't like you, then you gotta go home.

Energy & Oil – It takes a lot of energy to suck out the last of the oil.

Gun Control – I'm in favor of gun control – for you.

Crime – Don't like it. I think we should move everyone out of North Dakota (do people really live there?), have Donald build a secure wall around it and that's where we can put all of the criminals. Let them commit crimes against each other and leave the rest of us alone.

Drugs – I think it's interesting that, what I had to pay for back in the 70's is now covered by my insurance.

Civil Rights – I believe that when we have a dialogue about Rights, we need to be Civil.

Jobs – Apple is going to miss him.

Environment – The earth has survived meteor collisions, volcanic eruptions, ice ages, warming ages, and radiation from space. I'm not sure the earth cares about some plastic bags.

Budget & Economy – Even I do a budget. The difference between the government and me is, I have to live by mine.

Government reform – Throw them all out and let's start again.

Tax reform – Everyone who makes more than $50,000 a year pays 10% to the government and there are no deductions for anything. No more IRS, accountants or tax lawyers.

Social Security – My feelings about Social Security have changed now that I'm 64. I want my money back.

Welfare – If you need help, you should get it. But, if we catch you cheating, it's off to North Dakota!

Poverty – See Welfare

Education – What a mess. I tried to go through Common Core but apparently I'm too stupid to pass a fifth grade math test.

Health Care – It's criminal for this country not to have universal health care. However, the current one ain't that good.

Abortion – OK, this one's going to get me in trouble. It's up to the mother. In biology, an organism that lives off the body of the host is called a parasite.

Big Banks – Break 'em up, Bernie. I'm with you, baby.

Donald's Wall – Do it, we could use the jobs.

Marijuana – Legalize it. Never got into a fight with a stoner. Now, a drunk? That's another matter.

Mandatory Vaccinations – Remember that time you had polio? NO YOU DON'T, because your parents got you vaccinated.

Medicare and Medicaid – Wasn't in favor until this year. Next year, I qualify so I'm now OK with it.

Term limits – Hell, yes. Elected officials are supposed to serve the people and then get the hell out.

Campaign finance – Contributions only from real live people limited to $100 and campaigns can't start until six months before the election. Enough already.

Affirmative Action – Get rid of it. If everyone is supposed to be equal, how can we give one group an advantage over another group?

Muslims – Muslims, fine. Jihadists, not so much.

Gay marriage – I'm good. They should be allowed to suffer as much as the rest of us.

Transgender bathrooms – Simple, if you have indoor plumbing, use the Ladies' Room. Outdoor plumbing, it's the Men's Room for you.

Death Penalty – Absolutely – unless you're innocent . . .

Euthanasia – Yup, I have a deal with my buddy on this. We have a mutual agreement.

Women in combat – Hell yes, I'm more afraid of some women I know than I am of any man.

Minimum wage – I'm in favor of raising the minimum wage as long as I have an exemption and don't have to pay it.

Paid sick leave - Explain to me again why I'm paying you because you can't work?

Student Loans – I have to pay back my loans, so should they. If you don't want loans, be enough of a scholar to get scholarships and work through college like I did.

OK, that's enough. So, now you tell me. Am I liberal or conservative?


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