Where I Stand

August 1, 2016


I joy taking both sides to task.  I have also been pilloried for reposting other people's opinions without declaring my own.  I am neither republican nor democrat.  I'm not conservative or liberal.  I'm a real American – a mixture of a little bit of everything.  Tell me the issue and I might be either liberal or conservative.  To end the speculation once and for all, here is where I stand on the major issues.


Foreign Policy – If they like us, help them.  If they don't like us, to hell with them.


Homeland Security – Sounds good.  OK, I'm in favor of the concept.


Free Trade – I thought trade involved money, how can it be free?


Immigration – In favor unless I don't like you, then you gotta go home.


Energy & Oil – It takes a lot of energy to suck out the last of the oil.


Gun Control – I'm in favor of gun control – for you.


Crime – Don't like it.  I think we should move everyone out of North Dakota (do people really live there?), have Donald build a secure wall around it and that's where we can put all of the criminals.  Let them commit crimes against each other and leave the rest of us alone.


Drugs – I think it's interesting that, what I had to pay for back in the 70's is now covered by my insurance.


Civil Rights – I believe that when we have a dialogue about Rights, we need to be Civil.


Jobs – Apple is going to miss him.


Environment – The earth has survived meteor collisions, volcanic eruptions, ice ages, warming ages, and radiation from space.  I'm not sure the earth cares about some plastic bags.


Budget & Economy – Even I do a budget.  The difference between the government and me is, I have to live by mine.


Government reform – Throw them all out and let's start again.


Tax reform – Everyone who makes more than $50,000 a year pays 10% to the government and there are no deductions for anything.  No more IRS, accountants or tax lawyers.


Social Security – My feelings about Social Security have changed now that I'm 64.  I want my money back.


Welfare – If you need help, you should get it.  But, if we catch you cheating, it's off to North Dakota!


Poverty – See Welfare


Education – What a mess.  I tried to go through Common Core but apparently I'm too stupid to pass a fifth grade math test. 


Health Care – It's criminal for this country not to have universal health care.  However, the current one ain't that good.


Abortion – OK, this one's going to get me in trouble.  It's up to the mother.  In biology, an organism that lives off the body of the host is called a parasite.


Big Banks – Break 'em up, Bernie.  I'm with you, baby.


Donald's Wall – Do it, we could use the jobs.


Marijuana – Legalize it.  Never got into a fight with a stoner.  Now, a drunk?  That's another matter.


Mandatory Vaccinations – Remember that time you had polio?  NO YOU DON'T, because your parents got you vaccinated.


Medicare and Medicaid – Wasn't in favor until this year.  Next year, I qualify so I'm now OK with it.


Term limits – Hell, yes.  Elected officials are supposed to serve the people and then get the hell out.


Campaign finance – Contributions only from real live people limited to $100 and campaigns can't start until six months before the election.  Enough already.


Affirmative Action – Get rid of it.  If everyone is supposed to be equal, how can we give one group an advantage over another group?


Muslims – Muslims, fine.  Jihadists, not so much.


Gay marriage – I'm good.  They should be allowed to suffer as much as the rest of us.


Transgender bathrooms – Simple, if you have indoor plumbing, use the Ladies' Room.  Outdoor plumbing, it's the Men's Room for you.


Death Penalty – Absolutely – unless you're innocent . . .


Euthanasia – Yup, I have a deal with my buddy on this.  We have a mutual agreement.


Women in combat – Hell yes, I'm more afraid of some women I know than I am of any man.


Minimum wage – I'm in favor of raising the minimum wage as long as I have an exemption and don't have to pay it.


Paid sick leave  - Explain to me again why I'm paying you because you can't work?


Student Loans – I have to pay back my loans, so should they.  If you don't want loans, be enough of a scholar to get scholarships and work through college like I did.


OK, that's enough.  So, now you tell me.  Am I liberal or conservative?


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